Guys may seem downers and desperate for somebody because, quite frankly, THEY ARE. They've resorted to online dating, the equivalent to posting an ad in the singles' section of your Friday newspaper in the 1980s and 90s. Does a woman want to hear the about the baggage? Probably not. But it does exist, and even the greatest catch has that baggage. Some men are just honest enough to put a lot out there about their character and feelings resulting from their LIFE. And, isn't that what women want? A guy who can communicate? Apparently not. "Honesty with a twist," to quote a friend of mine, is what the desire is. Honesty is claimed to be desired, but real honesty essentially means a man digs his own grave. Going on dating websites leaves a person worse off than when they started, for at least there was some sense of hope at the beginning. The dating website experience extinguishes that hope and leaves you with a positive sounding profile, no messages, and hurt in your heart. I'm Marty1203 on okcupid.com by the way, just so you know I have nothing to hide and I'm a real person. The great majority of women on these sites are flakes. They are extremely picky for people resorting to looking for dates on the internet. I also reply to everyone who messages me just like you, only I never have a fear of stalkers. I can write up the nicest response, but, since I have been on these sites for so long, I know that the women will flake out and never respond. So, I can be extremely nice to a full-figured woman and not even have to worry about her responding because she is a female, and will stop responding on her own! I'm seriously tired of women claiming they were too busy to respond, when they finally message you weeks later or say they are very busy when it is time to exchange phone numbers in order to meet up. I'm sorry, I'm just twiddling my thumbs here alone in my apartment letting the world pass me by while you work or go to grad school. I have a full-time job with a wealth of other commitments. Yet I still find time to not wait 15 hours to reply to a text. I do not wait a month and a half to respond to a message. I return phone calls. I am an individual with common decency, however diminishing it may be with each crushing blow.
Also, this is 2010. there is an option to only view profiles with photos. This isn't even a problem at this stage. If you even read a profile without a photo, it's your own fault. I remember thinking that same thought 10 years ago in the winter of 2000 when love@aol.com came out. but there has been so much dating profile "evolution and progress" since then that that component doesn't even resonate as a valid issue these days. and if you've never winked at someone in your life, that is a rarity. Winks were all you could send people pretty much back in the day when you had to pay for memberships. People would hide their AIM screennames or yahoo addresses in their profiles, then wink at someone. It didn't cost anything to send a wink, and then you had an opportunity to communicate without paying a monthly fee while in college with zero money/no credit card. So, now winks are the scourge of society? You want to know what the true new bad guy of online dating messaging is now? Typing "Hello," or "Hi" in the subject line of an initial message. I read the following line last night in a profile: "I will not respond to people who put 'Hi' as the subject heading of their message to me." It absolutely boggled my mind to read something as stupid as that. This is the first time I've ever communicated with you, and HI isn't a good enough greeting in an initial subject line heading of a message? Come on!
Also, the interests features play right into the hand of the "fate" card. One woman said one of her favorite books was Moby Dick. That was one of my favorite books too! I didn't proceed to say that fate meant for me to message her because of our love of a Herman Melville novel, but it gets your mind jumping ahead because of all the ridiculous quirky love beginnings of love stories you've heard throughout life. When someone shares an interest of yours, and it's different from the "I love to bake, eat Somalian food, do the NY Times Crossword puzzle, people watch, travel, be the best friend on earth, spend time with my family and just curl up in my pajamas and pop in a DVD on a Friday night just as easily as I can get all dolled up for a night on the town," one thinks a connection may possibly be there. But, like you said, this is reality, and in the online dating world, honesty breeds loneliness.
However cynical this may seem, this post is truly a byproduct on the online dating experience(coupled with dating in general). I too would've liked to bring back the old-world charm of letter-writing with someone who means so much to me. But that dream has long since faded.
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