0 The Reality That Each Goodbye Might Be My Last

I started to write a blog post this morning, and although I didn't get far, I decided to push it off to another day. Instead, I wanted to be a bit more of a non-controversial softie for the moment (but fear not - it won't last long).

I was at my desk this morning when I received a firmwide announcement in my e-mail. A co-worker, someone who quietly keeps order in the background of our office, lost his partner last night. Sadly, his long-time girlfriend, mother to his four children, and expecting their 5th in 3 months, passed away following a heart attack. The news was met all over the office with such sadness that despite the many varying roles within the office, we can all - for a moment - share this news with heavy hearts. This was the second spouse of a co-worker, within a month's time, to pass suddenly, and in their 40's, due to a heart attack.

I think to myself, what was he thinking yesterday when he kissed his wife and children goodbye? What might he have said if he new what the day would bring? Yesterday, when he walked past my desk and said "Have a good day" and I retuned with "You have one too" did either of us really mean the words or were we just mouthing syllables that are nothing more than convention?

I think about the last time I spoke to my son, my daughter, my boyfriend, my sister, my daughter-in-law.... What would I have said different if I had thought there would be no tomorrow, no next time I saw them? I am predictable in that I say, "I love you" and go "mwahzzz" before I hang up/disconnect Skype with all of them - but today I remember why that had become a habit. It's the same reason that I don't leave my house, or let my loved one's leave my house, without a kiss goodbye. You just never know.

The world has become a place where people are getting sicker and sicker - the air is more dense and polluted, meat is shot up with more crap than a junkie, water, which should taste like nothing, leaves a film in your mouth, the food on our shelves contain more mystery chemicals than actual food (and lets not get started on global warming and the plethora of wars or pre-wars we have going on at any given moment) - and at this rate, we really need to start thinking about tomorrow and how it is not guaranteed to any of us. Life, as we know it today, is a crapshoot where on any given day you might roll snake eyes.

I really need to get my own crap together enough to be sure that when it's my turn, I don't leave things unfinished, unsaid or anyone I love feeling unloved. Every moment I am with them, every moment I can move forward or do something of substance, is a treasure which I need to appreciate more than I have. Lip service, polite conventions, auto pilot decision making - there is no longer any room in my life for these things. Sadly, and unfortunately, it took such a punch in the chest to get my attention.

Now, I'll wrap this up by saying, my prayers go out to my co-worker and his family during this tough time. May you find peace and comfort in the presence of those you love.

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